I have a yellow notepad on my bedside table, light as a feather, with crisp yellow lined pages awaiting my thoughts on sleepless nights. This notepad holds my writing ideas and excerpts for this newsletter. Despite my efforts, I haven't transferred these penned words to a digital screen.
I feel like a diver on the edge of a board, frozen, needing a push. But no one can write this for me. So, amidst anxiety and vulnerability, I’ve decided to follow Toni Morrison’s advice and share both my light and darkness with the world.
My light is the immense peace and lessons learned on my journey to find my next career step.
I knew a month into my current role that it wasn’t for me, yet I’m still here. It's embarrassing that it's taken this long with no new job in sight. You might wonder why I didn’t leave immediately. I just didn’t know where I wanted to go next. I didn’t want to keep hopping in and out of jobs that weren’t right for me.
So, I went career shopping to figure out my next move. I’ve had a more active career roster than dates during this time. I explored 10 serious career possibilities, spending countless hours on industry research, talking to people, and imagining my future in those roles. I applied endlessly, facing multiple rejections and some inquiries disappearing without a trace. Catch-up calls with friends and family featured updates on whichever career I was pursuing and what fell through. It hasn’t been all rejection. I’ve also rejected opportunities that didn’t fit what I wanted, which helped my ego after countless nos and closed doors.
For me, these lessons are markers of how far I’ve come since April 2022.
Lesson 1: Like online dating, the bio matters most. Earlier, I focused on titles, thinking they showed importance and impact. But the roles with fancy titles had some of the most boring coffee chats and disinterested people. Now, I have general filters for industry, full-time, salary, level, and location. I read each description, applying for roles that sound fun and interesting. This approach has led to enjoyable interviews, where my genuine curiosity and authenticity shine through, leaving a great impression and leading to interviewers providing new potential opportunities.
Lesson 2: Ditch the “pick me” attitude. Previously, interviews always felt like a groveling sales experience where I was desperately asking organizations to like me. It left me feeling like an actor, spending hours memorizing lines, choosing the right outfit, and conjuring up my most professional demeanor. In one interview, I found myself bored and struggling to muster any interest. After this experience, I decided to view interviews as dates, asking myself if I actually wanted the job. I now focus on understanding interviewers as people, their motivations, career paths, and work. This approach elicits better conversations and insights on whether it’d be a good fit.
Lesson 3: You are wanted and needed in the world. The job search process is rough on your self-esteem. There were moments I was mad at myself for not pursuing certain roles right out of college, thinking it would make the search process easier. Constant rejections make you question your worth and capabilities. I want to let you (and myself) know that our experiences are VALUABLE, WANTED AND NEEDED by someone out there.
During this period, I went through five out of six interview rounds for my dream role. I want a role that exists at the intersection of capitalism, community, and impact. Previously, I was resigned to endless applications and rejection emails. I doubted my resume was sufficient for a rebrand into something totally different. Although I didn’t get the role, this experience left me with immense hope that this dream is real, plausible, and achievable. It's just a matter of timing. It provided a tangible experience of the type of work and environment I’d like to be a part of at some point in my life.
My darkness involves letting go of controlling my life. I believed controlling aspects of my life would yield desired outcomes. I’m working on accepting that releasing these expectations might lead to a more fulfilling life than I could ever imagine for myself. It's a leap of faith, trusting that I will be taken care of as I have been thus far in my life.
My hope is that the stories in my yellow notebook remind us that we are never alone in our feelings and life experiences.
Bisou,
Lily